Excited to watch teenagers make more money than you?

The NBA draft is tomorrow, and as many people have mentioned, it is much more exciting than this entire last season was. Even the playoffs, minus Golden State.

Seriously, can you name one exciting moment/play from the Finals?

And this is the fucking Finals! The Superbowl of basketball. The equivalent of the goddamn World Series.

And now the first two picks are both, what, 19 years old? That just doesn't seem fair. Imagine being 19 and getting several million dollars just for playing a game...

So when you're sitting on your ripped recliner and munching on some Easy Mac, or if you're in the next tax bracket, the blue box stuff, think about the teenager on your TV screen and the tricked out hummer he's gonna drive home in. Maybe he'll stop at a hip sushi bar and meet up with some swimsuit models stranded in New York for the weekend. He'll probably take 2 or 3 of them to the after party at some swank NY club, maybe even to the after-after party at the posh hotel he's forced to stay at for the night.

But you enjoy that Mac'n'Cheese!

Did ya miss me?

So after a long vacation filled with loose slot machines and looser sluts*, it's time to get this crappy internet page up and going again. Let's call those first 6 posts a "soft opening," and now we'll get to the mega-spectacular-punch-your-buddy-in-the-crotch-fists-of-rock grand opening.

Unfortunately, there's nothing really to talk about right now. Unless you want to hear my thoughts about the pro wrestler who police believe went ape-shit and killed his wife and son before hanging himself.

Wow, seeing that typed out really makes me want to watch a 3-hour tribute dedicated to the guy. Way to be, USA Network.


*For legal purposes, "loose slots and looser sluts" should be interpreted to mean internet blackjack and 1980's porn movies stolen from the sale rack at West Coast Video.